JAP Battle (Reprise) - feat. Rachel Bloom & Rachel Grate - "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend"

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Buy the season 4 album here: https://lnk.to/ceg4

JAP Battle (Reprise)
Starring Rachel Bloom & Rachel Grate
Written by Adam Schlesinger, Zach Sherwin, Jack Dolgen & Rachel Bloom

Audra:
ALL OF OUR LIVES YOU WERE TOXIC
OBNOXIOUS
NOW THOUGH, YOU’VE BROUGHT ME FROM NAUSEOUS TO NACHES
I’M PROUD OF YOU, BUNCH
YOU’RE A GROWN-UP, YOU GOT THIS
KOL HAKAVOD, YOU’RE A GODDESS

Rebecca:
ME?!
BUT YOU’RE SO RESPONSIBLE
CAREER’S ON SIZZLE
HUSBAND, DITTO
THREE GREAT KIDDOS
YOU’VE GOT COMPETENCE, CLASS
PLUS A SKINNY-ASS WAIST
AND A TONED-ASS ASS

Audra:
WELL, YOU’VE GOT A FREE SPIRIT, WHICH I SEE AND COMMEND
SO, LIKE 2 CHAINZ WITHOUT THE “NZ” AT THE END
I WISH YOU DOUBLE CHAI
FOR FOLLOWING THE TUG
OF THE HEART BEHIND YOUR 36 TRIPLE-D JUGS

Rebecca:
WOW, WHAT A BOOST FOR MY CONFIDENCE!

Audra:
YEAH, I MEAN, I GOTTA GIVE IT UP
I’M PRETTY GOOD AT GIVING COMPLIMENTS

Rebecca:
NICE BUBBLE, BUBBELEH, I REALLY HATE TO POP IT
BUT NOBODY’S GOT A PLAUDIT ANY HOTTER THAN I DROP IT

Audra & Rebecca:
THIS IS…

Audra:
A JAP PRAISE FIGHT

Audra & Rebecca:
HALF AFFIRMATION

Rebecca:
HALF CAGE FIGHT

Audra & Rebecca:
KILLING YOU WITH KINDNESS

Audra:
YEAH, YOU’RE DANG RIGHT

Audra & Rebecca:
IT’S A HEAD-TO-HEAD YASHER KOACH MAZEL TOV OFF

Rebecca:
YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET’S SQUASH IT, YOU’RE AWESOME

Audra:
SECONDED! SAME!
REBECCA-WISE, MY GAME RECOGNIZE GAME

Rebecca:
THANKS, I APPRECIATE THAT

Audra:
YEAH, I MEAN, THERE’S A REASON I’M CALLED “ESTEEM QUEEN LEVINE”

Rebecca:
CAN IT WITH THE ACCOLADES-SLASH-SHADE-CATAPULTING
YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS GREAT AT ADULTING
ALL YOUR HARD WORK, ULTIMATELY RESULTING IN TRIUMPH

Audra:
DAMN, THAT’S SOME SNEAKY INSULTING
SKIP THE EMOTIONAL JUDO
I AM THE B. KNOWLES-CARTER OF KUDOS

Rebecca:
I’M THE LEBRON JAMES OF ACCLAIM

Audra:
THEN YOU MIGHT AS WELL CALL ME THE MICHELLE OF THE KVELL

Rebecca:
GO TO HELL

Audra & Rebecca:
THIS IS…

Audra:
A JAP CHEER SCRIMMAGE

Audra & Rebecca:
LIKE A RAP BATTLE

Rebecca:
BUT THE MIRROR IMAGE

Audra & Rebecca:
BOTH OF US’LL FEEL GREAT

Audra:
WHEN WE’RE FINISHED

Rebecca:
GIVING A DOPE-SLAP OF DAP TO THIS JAP…

Rebecca:
Which does stand for Jewish-American Princess, a term that, on one hand, does reinforce
negative, negative stereotypes about both Jews and women but, on the other hand, is a term
that we want to reclaim and own. Also, should acknowledge that me saying “dap to this jap” is
appropriative and a little problematic, if we’re being honest.

THIS IS TOUCHY STUFF AND IT’S PRETTY COMPLICATED
BUT I NOTICED THE DYNAMIC AND I THOUGHT THAT I SHOULD NAME IT
JUST LIKE I HATED YOU, BUT NOW I KINDA LIKE YOU
THIS SONG’S ANOTHER THING I CAN SEE TWO SIDES TO

Audra:
TERRIFIC SELF-AWARENESS

Rebecca:
KNOCK IT OFF, AUDRA!
YOU NEVER STOP, DO YOU?

Audra:
CAN’T AND DON’T WANNA

Rebecca:
YOU’RE A WONDERFUL LADY,
BUT AN INSUFFERABLE BABY

Audra:
SHOULD WE MAKE OUT?

Rebecca:
WHAT?! NO!
...MAYBE